Personifiying My ADHD Mind – Please Understand Me!

Everything is as vivid as the first flower of spring, which, like organic fire, pierces the frozen ground on its tenacious effort to feel the first rays of infant sunshine.

Also, everything is cluttered like the studio of a scattered artist, who, like a tornado of insatiable creativity, tries desperately to draw linear compositions, yet still paints spiral rhythms on the canvas.

My brain is a metaphorical paint-chart of every colour. Since I was a small child, I have drawn rainbows on everything, from papers to pots, books to bottles. This full spectrum of colours, which defines the way my mind works, fascinates me, and I have always felt connected to each hue. The way I see it, every distinct colour works together to form the unique essence which makes up my mind and personality.

It’s hard to explain to someone without ADHD what it feels like to have a fast brain. Apart from the occasional cup of coffee and herbal supplements, I do not medicate my ADHD as, even though she can be as wild as a fire, my mind also built my business and continues to improve it every day. I am lucky in the fact I have a job which I love and I never stop being grateful for this as I know I would struggle to cope in a more traditional job role. Bedford Tutor is the perfect outlet for my creativity, as well as insatiable appetite for learning, and the way I perceive the world is definitely advantageous in this vocation.

Firstly, she is always creating. She doesn’t want to stop for a rest when everybody else is winding down to relax and she can be difficult to manage, especially in social situations. Moreover, she doesn’t often like engaging in small talk and makes her boredom known when she recognises shapes in the clouds or begins to categorise rocks. People notice her when she wanders in thought, although sometimes she doesn’t recognise what they mean and begins to dominate their small talk with lengthy ramblings about universes and creatures which exist neither in space nor time. Then, along with the clouds and rocks, her ephemeral ideas get lost in a labyrinthine memory which, although powerful, struggles to think in the linear way she so desperately desires at times when small talk is the social norm.

Additionally, she is always moving. She doesn’t want to sit calmly on a sofa when the floor is more inviting and grounds her in a way no chair will ever do. Also, she doesn’t want to stop fidgeting, although everybody else is so still she wonders if they have all turned into statues. She wants to move, not like she used to when she was younger, but the desire to feel the energy of perfect rhythm, to match her constant neural soundtrack, is always there. Of course, people notice her as she tries to engage in the perfect stillness around her, but the myriad thoughts, painting constant narrative in her mind, manifest themselves in subtle movements which focus her already busy brain and allow her to access the linear world around her.

Sometimes all I ask for is a little patience. I will drift off into my own universe when you small talk and I will not be able to sit still for long periods of time. I have ADHD and I don’t go out of my way to annoy people, I just sometimes have difficulty adapting to a world where the majority of human beings don’t have my fast brain.

It is remarkably difficult to explain to someone what it feels like to live with a mind which requires almost constant stimulation. Additionally, it is near impossible to show them my view of the world as, to be able to understand fully what it’s like living with an ADHD mind, a person would need to have an ADHD mind.

Published by Chestnut ADHD

Hello, I’m Annabel and my mind is like a galaxy. Diagnosed with ADHD during lockdown, since then I have made it my mission to inspire other ADHDers to see the positives of living with a ‘galaxy brain’ and educate people about what it is like living with ADHD. I run my own tutoring and coaching business, helping many children with ADHD and dyslexia, and have always been an avid amateur writer and artist. Recently, I have written a children’s book which highlights the positives of ADHD: ‘Hadie & Adah’ and I will continue to promote my drawings and blog posts – focusing on positivity and creativity – in future. I truly am proud of my galaxy mind!

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